Young adults crave authenticity

“I just walked away feeling … off. And I need to talk about it.”

A student came into my office the morning after a big worship event on our campus. When I had last seen him earlier that week, he had been (in his words) “pumped” about a night of worship with his friends and community. Now he was confused why his excitement had fizzled into frustration. As we talked, it dawned on him what happened:

The guest speaker reeked of inauthenticity. 

“I just hate it when it feels like an adult isn’t being real,” he said. “Especially when it comes to God.” I probed why, and his answer has informed my ministry to college students ever since:

“I couldn’t care less about giant, flashy events with famous speakers. I want real, authentic relationships.”

Young adults today are bombarded with inauthenticity: constant advertisements fighting for their attention, social media influencers, online filters, AI videos, and more. The line between real and unreal is blurred as our landscape promotes polished messaging and content. At the same time, their senses are sharpened for things that feel, as my student said, “off.”

A top priority in your relationship with the young adults in your life is to avoid setting off those alarm bells.

For young adults, their churches and families can be a major respite from everything that’s polished, performative — “fake.” But pastors and parents often fear giving young adults the authenticity and vulnerability they crave. In families, vulnerability can feel nerve-wracking, especially if it hasn’t been part of the family culture. In ministry, mentorship and community-building feel personal and intimate, which is an intimidating shift when fancy programming can help us keep others at arm’s length.

But young adults don’t want our (often literal) smoke screens. And breaking through the inauthenticity of their world is a major way to engage your young adult in faith-filled conversations. 

Pursuing authenticity with the young adults in your life means:

1. Modeling a life of honesty and the pursuit of truth.

Authenticity means being honest with others, with ourselves, and with God. It is a Jesus-oriented way of walking through the world and connecting with others that values truth and integrity over polish and performance.

2. Walking alongside your young adult in faith.

Authenticity allows you to see faith as a journey you take together, rather than something you teach them unilaterally. You can share when you struggle, the moments you mess up, and seek prayer and companionship from the young adults in your life. This is true for parents and pastors. Be a companion on the journey.

3. Showing you care about your young adult in a real way.

Authenticity demonstrates that you see, understand, and care about the young adults in your life. Knowing they crave it and overcoming any hesitation you may have to meet that desire shows them that you are attuned to their needs. 

As we head into 2026, what is one way you can establish an authentic connection with the young adult in your life?