5 signs you’re parenting from anxiety instead of trust
It’s summertime, and as usual, we’re spending a lot of time with parents as they prepare to launch their newly minted high school grads into the world. We are always struck by how lonely parents feel in this season. Parents often think they’re the only ones struggling to prayerfully release their young adults, trusting God will be with them every step of the way.
But this experience is so normal. As you watch your young adult grow and learn — with all the bumps and mistakes that inevitably entails — parents tell us that it is all too easy for them to slip into a place of anxiety and control, instead of trust in God, their young adult, and even themselves.
So, how do you know whether you’re parenting from anxiety or trust?
5 Signs you’re parenting from anxiety:
1. You feel responsible for your young adult’s emotions.
You find yourself constantly monitoring how they are feeling (happy, lonely, stressed, spiritually “okay,” etc.)... and their emotional state becomes yours.
Operating from a place of trust says:
“I can support my young adult without carrying their entire emotional world.”
2. You rush to solve problems instead of listen.
You are often tempted to jump into fixing mode. Roommate issues, academic stress, relational conflict, scheduling problems, future planning — it falls on your shoulders, because removing discomfort for them has always been the norm.
Operating from a place of trust says:
“Struggle is often part of growth, not evidence of failure.”
3. You ask questions to make yourself feel better, not to pursue curiosity.
Your conversations are CIA-level interrogations:
“Did you go to class?”
“Have you made friends?”
“Did you find a church?”
“Are you eating enough?”
Operating from a place of trust says:
“I want to ask questions for the sake of curiosity and the relationship, not to control.”
4. Their moves toward independence feel emotionally difficult.
When they call less than you’d like, are hesitant about sharing details, or make choices you wouldn’t make, it feels like a loss or failure — or even rejection.
Operating from a place of trust says:
“Distance and differentiation are normal parts of becoming an adult.”
5. It is easy to catastrophize normal young adult developmental processes.
A challenging week becomes:
“They’re spiraling.”
“They’ll never recover.”
“We’re losing them.”
“Something is really wrong.”
Anxiety tends to interpret temporary struggles as permanent danger.
Operating from a place of trust says:
“The struggle is temporary, God is with them.”
Parenting from trust doesn’t mean becoming passive or detached. It means learning to stay grounded enough to offer calm, wisdom, and connection instead of fear-driven control.