When homesickness sneaks up
You dropped your kid off at college. Whether for the first, second, third, or fourth time. It never really feels easy, right?
Now that it’s September and most students have been back to school for at least a week or two, they likely are experiencing some homesickness.
I remember my first year of college. I was so excited for the first couple of weeks. I met tons of people and went to so many club meetings and group events. But then once the routine set in, and I had less time to go to events because, well, I actually had homework, the homesickness set in too.
Why does routine bring homesickness? Routine means the hype has died down. Your young adult is running on less adrenaline. And when the world outside us settles down, emotions inside have space to bubble up.
And quite frankly, your student may not fully know what to do with those feelings.
In our experience, college students tend to deal with homesickness in a few classic ways:
They self blame. They think “I made the wrong decision coming to this college,” or “I shouldn’t have opted to live off campus,” or “I should have gone abroad this semester.” They assume everyone has friends except them. Everyone else is feeling fine, and they’re the weird one for feeling homesick.
They panic. This is when you might get a call from your first-year student, and they say, “I hate it here.” Or your junior calls and says, “I should just commute this semester.” Other times, the panic leads to them withdrawing from you further to help them feign an independence they don’t feel.
Suddenly, you’re sitting in your kitchen Googling college transfer deadlines at 11 p.m. The instinct is to fix the homesickness. After all, your kid deserves a good experience!
But before you start suggesting clubs to join, or before you get in the car for the patented parent rescue, take a breath.
Homesickness doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong.
Instead of jumping to fix it, try asking questions that are gentle, kind, and open-ended.
“What do you miss most about home?”
“What has been harder than you expected?”
“Is there anything that’s actually going better than you thought?”
“What do you think would make this week a little better?”
Those questions give your student room to process what they're experiencing. And they help you figure out what’s actually going on.
So, if your young adult is experiencing homesickness, we encourage you to pause and ask questions. And know: It’s completely normal!